5 Things They Don’t Tell You about Being a Writer

FrontCover_finalThere’s a lot of talk about writing these days. From advice, to opinions to marketing strategies. You could say it’s kind of the ‘it’ thing.

What people don’t seem to be talking about–at least in my opinion–is writers themselves, and what exactly being a writer means. Because there’s a lot that comes with that title. And I’m not just talking about the headaches that come from self-marketing.

So because it’s Saturday and I have nothing better to do, I thought I’d make a list. So here it is.


1. You Will Question Your Own Existence. Constantly.

I don’t mean that to sound quite as depressing as it sounds. What I mean is, due to the always questioning and introspective nature of the writer, you will always be contemplating things about yourself, and the world. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing–or that it’s exclusive to writers, for that matter. ‘Ordinary’ people question things too. But being a writer often has you questioning the ‘big things’ whilst you seek to answer questions about yourselves, your characters and your work. Expect long, alcohol-fuelled nights of pointless rumination.

2. You Will Doubt Yourself.

It’s true. Unless you’re one of those confident-to-a-fault types, chances are there will often be times where you’ll wonder if what you’re writing is any good, if you should just give up and go watch cartoons.


Doubting oneself is a necessary part of the writing process. We should always be second guessing ourselves, trying to put ourselves in our readers’ heads. Does this make sense? Is this funny? Exactly how many penis jokes are too many? That sort of thing.

Often times it is this kind of thinking that can turn a good book into a great book.

3. You Will Develop A Caffeine Addiction.

I’m not sure as to the science of this one. But yes, if you decide to pick up the pen, you will inevitably develop a caffeine dependency to be put right up there with crack and meth addiction. I don’t know why. It’s just a thing that happens.

So, umm… yeah. You’ve been warned.

4. Your Health Will Suffer.

So this is one of the bigger points of this blog post. A lot of it is down to the fact that writing requires you to remain static for long periods of time, and–if you’re like me–in poor postures. Other factors are your quickly escalating coffee dependency, which then leads to insomnia, then weight loss. It’s a whole cycle, really.

I mean, sure, you could try drinking tea. And exercising. Whatever.

Just be aware that these are things you’ll have to think about.

5. Feral Backwoods Children Will Occasionally Steal Your Laundry.

Okay, so maybe this last one is just me. But I swear it all started the moment I made the decision to pick up the pen and become a writer. It’s just too much of a coincidence.

And to the kid who came into my garden and stole my washing the other day, I want my Mighty Mouse underoos back, you bastard.





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